April Showers

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It’s raining outside.

That usually helps me sleep but tonight the rain feels symbolic to the downpour in my own head.  I’ve always loved April,  because of Easter, and now it’s even more special as it’s one of my sister in laws names and the month that two of their birthdays fall in!

Oh how I love these incredible ladies. Seriously.  They are amazing.  They bless me in so many ways not to mention the fact that they have little ones for me to adore, which was totally no trouble for them.

 

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The little ones visibly egg-cited!

 

These girls make me smile and pick me up when I’m feeling blue so I love the chance to spoil them a little.

In addition to that I have a boatload of work. You know the deal not enough hours in the day.  Oh, the countless lists I make.  Including such random items as order blow dryers (oops, sorry WA Wine Commisson guests I’m new to this gig) & figure out what happened to the 2 wine fridges I ordered weeks ago, locating some adorable logo tape that apparently got delivered a month ago,  wrapping up the “E-Bay” expansion in time for Spring Barrel Tasting,  finalize our Hard Core Apple Cider launch, ordering flowers for Date with Destiny, and some cool magnetic letters. Pretty standard as far as lists in my life.

 

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Back bar in suite-e (haha sweetie- get it?) at our Prosser Tasting Room.

 

Then there is travel. I need to plan a trip to Spokane to watch my niece perform in Spokane Ultimate Model competition  (love those big kids too, who are now adults), bring a trailer so we can pick up furniture at this crazy outlet place called Spokane Overstock, we found where we have been able to acquire some incredible deals. Love saving money so that I can afford my Restoration Hardware splurges.

 

Club chairs

This is the Restoration Hardware club chair selection for The Estate’s upper Library.

 

Then help encourage my father in law to help us get my sister in laws super cute RV down here. Map out our Las Vegas trip which I am incredibly excited & make sure Kolten is all lined out! Start exercising. Oh how I wish I could do that in my sleep.  Purchase items from Founderie and schedule modeling shoot at The Estate.

Plan our Chicago trip and niche out a few days for the most exciting part where I get to zip down to Alabama and help my girly girl Mattisen pack up her things from college.  Her freshman year has flown by and I can’t wait to have her home for the summer.

 

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Mattisen, Victoria & I in Alabama on our way to the a benefit event earlier this year.

 

Too fast it feels, at least for me. I think she feels it too though and no matter how many amazing and wonderful things we have going on changes the fact that in our hearts it’s still raining.

Honestly, it’s probably why all of us spend our share of sleepless nights. Spellbound someplace between here and there.  There, being the life we used to know before our sweet Seph died. He ripped out a part of all our hearts as he took them with him. Thankfully he left part of his heart with each of us but as we grapple with the brutal process of griefs heart transplant, sometimes it rains.

 

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My last picture with all of my babies together at once.

 

No amount of running around, or amazing new projects, no amount of counseling or even wine for that matter=), change that.  We always want more.  How could we not? So please be patient with me if I get stuck somewhere between breathing out and wanting to breath back in.  It does happen. For me it feels like the emotional equivalent of hiking out of the Grand Canyon, which I’ve never done but it looks…incredibly long & difficult. But we’re doing it. I am thankful to say that “they” were right and the joy is coming back, little by little, we have more moments where it feels like this new normal is doable.  Each holiday seem a little less excrutiating. By the grace of God we made it though until today together with the love and support of our amazing family & friends (thank you all) and I trust He will continue to carry us.

It’s the letting go that we struggle with.  But no matter how hard we swim upstream we aren’t ever going back and coming to peace with that is a grueling daily process. Thankfully He’s patient.

So, on those days or nights (in this case) where it rains and I just can’t stop trying to make sense out of it all ~ I must rest in His promises. Praying that our shattered hearts can heal in a way that allows them to continue to be able to sing, while standing in life’s shower.

Sorry to be a downer =) to all 4 of you who read this silly little blog but it is helping me.  Not sure what it is about putting words onto paper that helps me let them go but it does and I’m not sure if it’s the sunrise or tears that I must have needed to cry but I am feeling better and of course sleepy.

So April showers…I’m not afraid of you or the list that’s as long as my arm because I know what’s really important.  It’s the people and the moments.  The rest will get done when it gets done!

 

 

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For those days when a fun raincoat & a good umbrella are all you need to stay dry!

XO,

Ali (Winemaker’s wife)

 

WINE OF THE WEEK: 2014 Alberino – this spanish varietal has lovely citrus notes with a crisp finish.  I’m pairing it with a Prawn Pasta Dish I love…. because I’m dieting… right?

Mention this blog post throughout the week to receive an additional $5 off of your bottle price. One case maximum. Wine Club Members this is on top of your existing discount which makes it a terrific deal.
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This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Jo

    Being one of the four readers… Your heart is visible; raw & quivering Ali. I pray for healing, the return of joy, & heartfelt smiles – that radiate from your inside out. Be well!

    1. AliB

      Jo =) maybe there are 6 now (haha). Thanks for your prayers. Couldn’t do it without them. xo, Ali

  2. kiKim

    You write beautifully and from the heart! I am praying for you.

    1. AliB

      Thank you so much. The kind words and encouragement keep me going. hugs, Ali

  3. Janice Sepulveda

    Keep writing it does help. I wrote in Angela’s journal for a long time. At first it seemed every night, then on those days I really missed her. I used it to tell her how I was feeling and what was going on. Keep your chin up…. lots of love to you and the family.

    1. AliB

      Oh Janice. Thank you. I think of you often and cherish your support. much love. Ali

  4. Lyn W

    Hugs to you now and whenever you find yourself needing just a little encouragement to keep you moving forward, and to never ever forgetting the joy that brought you to the place in your life where you stand today. God only gives you what you can handle, and you my dear handle more in one day than most people will take on in a decade. Take care of you and after the April Showers, my hope is that you find beauty in the May Flowers amongst the sunshine.

    1. AliB

      I love that thought and know it will happen. Thank you so much for the caring words. xo, Ali

  5. Di

    Ali, this is the first time I’ve read your blog. I love that you can share your real emotions in this way, with me too. My heart is feeling your pain. There will be brighter days, not the same but brighter. I love that you have faith in the only true healer of the heart. Much love to you and your family.

    1. AliB

      Thank you so much Di. Your support means a lot to me. xo, Ali

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